He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
