i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
