Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
