So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize