I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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