I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
