You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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