There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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