so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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