I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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