i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
