whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that's an acceptable place to lick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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