She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
