gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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