I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
