Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
