I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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