WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
