Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
