and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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