Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize