it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
