We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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