I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize