Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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