I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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