I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
