um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
