Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was a trapeze. enough said
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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