In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize