I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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