What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
