Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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