i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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