It's Friday. Sex?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
