super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
