So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
im on a boat
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