they need to just BURY HIM!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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