tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
