he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
