Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize