It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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