why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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