I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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