Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
