Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Michael Bay diarrhea
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
