Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
