..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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