Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
