wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
