I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
