Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
