k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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