You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
