My cat gives me a boner
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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