Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
