He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
