He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need moral support for this bender
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize