every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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