Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
