A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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