you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
