Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
