You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
