I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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