There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize