I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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