are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
