This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
