What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
