They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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