Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
