In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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