I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
