Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
