google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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