u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think your dad took our porno
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You ruined the universe
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize