Sponge bath it is.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
