there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
