margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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