i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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