my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize