my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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