I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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