someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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