I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
