When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
