I accidentally had phone sex last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
