dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
