do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
