She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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