So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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