I think I died a long time ago.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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