So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize