I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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