woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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