Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
