my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
