This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize