She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
