She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
