I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The best revenge is premature balding
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
