belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your cock deserves a montage
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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