Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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